The Club

What is a club? By definition, a club is "an association dedicated to a particular interest or activity". I remember having a club in the fourth grade. I had a notebook that I wrote every ones names in. This club did nothing in particular, other than keep the secrets of the members of the club. So I guess you could call it a secrets keeping club. Every member was required to sign their name in the notebook. We met each day at lunchtime at a designated door where we would share our secrets. I don't remember any of the secrets now, but as fourth graders we thought we were really cool because we "belonged" to something.

Now, I belong to a different kind of club. This club is not a club I'm proud to be a part of. I didn't even want to be part of this club. I had always known about this club, and I vowed that I would never, ever become a member. The problem was, I couldn't completely prevent becoming a member. There was somebody else that made that choice for me. This club is a club that I would like to exit and have my name completely removed from the "notebook". I never signed this notebook, allowing my membership.

What is this club? This is the infidelity club. My husband was unfaithful. I always believed that our marriage was strong enough to take on any negative forces that were thrown our way. Boy, was I wrong!!! I have learned that there is not a marriage on this earth that is always strong enough to ward off this type of evil influence.

My husband and I are both faithful members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We are LDS. We are Mormons. We had done everything right. My husband had served an honorable mission, came home, met me, and we were married in the temple. We had six beautiful chilren. We went on date nights every single week. At the time, he was serving on the Stake High Council, and I was in a leadership position as well. From the outside, we looked like the perfect Mormon family. There were problems, but is there a marriage out there without problems? We were extremely busy with our family, church callings, personal hobbies, a home business, etc. I was going through the motions day by day, juggling to the best of my abilities all of the stresses a large family has.

Then it happened. The day I learned I was part of the club. I had taken the children to school and started to manage my daily chores. My husband was home that day. I will never forget how it happened. He said, "I have something I need to talk to you about. Come into the living room and sit down." He didn't sit next to me, instead he sat across from me. He took my hands in his. He was shaking, and I knew this wasn't good. He then said "I've been having an inappropriate relationship with X." That's all I needed to send me into a tailspin. The questions started flying. "When? Where? How could YOU? How could SHE?" He told me that he loved me and wanted nothing more than to try and work on our marriage and save it. I was not sitting anymore. I was pacing. I went into the kitchen. I looked at our beautiful home. I saw pictures of what seemed like our perfect family. I was now sobbing. He was crying as well. I was sick.

X was a member of my family. She was one of my closest friends. She was who I called if I needed help with my children before, during and after the whole mess. (I have a hard time calling it an affair. I still have a hard time believing that it happened.) Not only was I betrayed by my husband, I was also betrayed by one of my closest friends.

That day I told him to pack a bag and leave. Isn't that what one does? When he went into the bedroom to pack, I realized that I couldn't do it alone. I couldn't raise our six children alone. I didn't have a good enough job. I worked less than part time at a local school, and I knew that he didn't make enough money to support two households. When he came back into the family room, I told him that he shouldn't leave. If I was going to go through this nightmare, I wanted him to watch me suffer. I wanted him to see how he had ripped my heart out. He needed to fully realize what he had done to me, and to our children.

We then talked. The spouse of X was someone I cared about deeply. He didn't know yet, and from what my husband told me, X would have kept this secret until her dying day. My husband and I talked about how to best handle what needed to take place next. The husband of X had a right to know. I was NOT about to keep this secret from him. We talked about my husband talking to X, telling her she had a certain amount of time to tell her spouse, but this scenario didn't sit well with me. I wanted absolutely no contact between my husband and X ever again, especially in private. We talked about me alone being the one to tell him. This didn't seem fair to me. I hadn't done anything wrong. Why should I be the one to break the bad news to him. We decided that the best way to handle the situation was for us both to go to their house and tell them together. Not only would it expose the secret, but it would show that my husband and I were now a united front, and she had no power over me.

I went to see our bishop. My husband had already talked with him, and told him of the affair. I was distraught. He was so kind. I don't remember all that was said in that meeting, but I do remember the peace I felt. I told him of our plans to tell X and her husband. My kind, wise bishop gave me a priesthood blessing that day that I would have a clear mind and that I would be able to carry this load that had been placed upon my shoulders. When I left his office, I knew I would be alright, but that I was not expected to take this journey alone. I knew right then that my Savior would be with me every step of the way, and that all I needed to do was to ask for His help.

That is what I did. I prayed more earnestly than I ever have before. I pleaded with my Heavenly Father to bless me and my children. I asked that our home would be one of peace. I needed reassurance that all would be well, but most importantly that day, I needed my Savior right by my side.

That night, my husband and I went to X's house. When we went in, I looked at her. I was shaking and said we needed to talk. She and her husband took us into a room where we could close the door, and then it happened. I looked at her husband, and told him about the affair. Some may wonder why it was me, and not X or my husband being the mouthpiece that night. I don't have an answer to that. I just know that most of the words that I said that night were not MY words. I know I was inspired in what I said. I know that I was being directed to say what needed to be said that night. It is a moment that I would never want to relive, but it is also a moment when I absolutely felt the spirit of the Lord with me. I was calm. I wasn't crying. I was able to say what needed to be said, and to comfort her husband. I was also able to say things to X that I never thought I would be able to say.

Before we left, I remember saying goodbye to her children. I remember their sweet faces. They knew something was wrong. The children are the only true victims in an affair. I have learned in the past few months that most innocent spouses make a contribution to the affair. I have learned what my contribution was, but children have no contribution. They are perfectly innocent in the whole mess. They must deal with things being whispered about their parents. They deal with the fighting in the home. They have their spirits broken, sometimes not even knowing why. My biggest concern in this whole ordeal is the children. Not only mine, but hers as well. Every time I pray I plead with my Heavenly Father to protect them.

The children are the reason this has been kept as quiet as possible. We decided that night that we would not tell anyone, but deal with the matter as privately as possible. As far as I know, the only people who know are my parents, church leaders, and a few select close friends.

There were many sleepless nights that followed. So much heartache, and so much to learn. I will say, I have never felt more love from my Savior and my Heavenly Father. I know that they are aware of me and they know what I am going through. The Holy Ghost has been my constant companion. I know that there are loved ones who have died who are with me and my children constantly. I know that my Savior is just as close as I will let Him be, and when I ask, He is always there. I know that the atonement is real, and that its healing power is for ALL. Not only those who need to repent, but for those who need to be uplifted and need strength. I have drawn strength from the atonement more times in the last few months than ever in my life.

I love my husband. I love that he was willing to come clean with me. I love that he wants ME, and he wants our family to stay intact. I am so grateful that he chose to stay with me, and I am grateful that I didn't make him leave that day so many months ago.

It has taken me a while, but I can honestly say that most days I am happy, so happy!!!

-The Wife